Never in my life have I thought I'd be using the word "episode" other than its literary context. But that's how the doctor referred to what happened to me yesterday. And it felt odd.

I wasn't exactly feeling well when I woke up that morning. There was this slight hammering at the back of my head and I felt hot. But since I was just on half day duty and I felt that I was just having my arte moments, I decided to come to work. After all, I had plans that afternoon -- Rozz and I were supposed to have lunch and I wanted to go malling and buy my luggage already.

Yesterday morning was a usual day for coming to work. I was lucky enough to avoid that effin' entry stoppage at the MRT Q.Ave station, which they always do at around 7AM. I was standing in the aisle of the ladies' coach of the MRT so I had a relatively decent space. So I had my earphones on, listening to Avril Lavigne's Complicated on the radio at that time, when I just didn't feel like listening to her anymore. My head was already pounding so bad that time, still bearable though, but I just felt heaviness all over. Then my sight began discoloring. It was a sudden burst of dull yellow at first, then my vision started fading to black, like a flashback scene of a bad memory. I instantly panicked, not too obvious of course (because I was alone), and I tried to keep my eyes open. The last thing I saw was the San Miguel Building and it really got frustrating because I was trying to focus on at least one image but everything seemed to get darker despite my efforts not to shut my eyes. So I blinked, thinking that it would help clear out the darkness. Then I collapsed.

Right. In the MRT station. In Shaw Boulevard. While on my way to the office. How unglamorous could that get?! And that was my first time. I believe I didn't lose consciousness because I was hearing the voices around me. That they even called the guard to get me out the train. And I felt being dragged out to the platform area. Of the Shaw Station. haha.

I remained seated at the guard's post for a while. But just when I was ready to stand up and ride the MRT again, my hands began clenching involuntarily, so I had to knead them discreetly so as not to draw attention. I already looked ridiculous sitting at the guard's post; I didn't want to look more of a freak with my crooked hands. And when I finally got myself together, I stood up and decided to still take the south-bound train and go to work. Because I was thinking of the lunch and the malling after. And because I could have myself checked there.

I think I let 2 trains pass before I decided to just go back home. Aside from the fact that it was dark in that station and I couldn't distinguish whether or not I was having an episode again, my head kept on banging on the inside. If fainting wasn't enough, well I didn't want to embarass myself further by throwing up in public. When I got home and finally laid my head on my pillow, God, it felt like tipsiness that didn't deliver. And that's pathetic.

My mom came home after I texted her what happened, then we did blood and eye tests. Eye test came out clear; blood test showed some irregularities. CT scan turned out negative too. So we're left with neurologic and hematologic tests, which I have yet to undergo since I didn't have time yesterday. And it was raining and I needed the rest today. So there, I'm not yet fully cleared. I'm overreacting, but I can't help it coz I'm not exactly the healthiest person here and I still haven't done all the consultations I need.

What's worse is that my head never ceased throbbing until the last second before I fell asleep last night. And I woke up sweaty despite the rain and the semi-strong wind entering my room. I felt generally ok today; I feel normal, but I'd still feel heaviness in my head occasionally. Until I've had my neuro and hema tests, I would like to believe that I just got burned-out that's why I made a scene yesterday. And that regular dose of iron pills will suffice. And I would still like to believe that even after the neuro and hema tests.

I seriously need erase and rewind right now.

Found these while backing up files. At may nalalaman pala talaga akong pagcocompile ng ganito?! haha!

"Before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. I don't think it would be snowing now if he weren't still up there. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it"
-- Kim Boggs, Edward Scissorhands

"I have been beating my brains in trying to impress you people. Listen Gibby, Kirstin, Krysten, you will spend your whole lives trying to keep others down because it makes you feel more important, but why her? Let me tell you about this girl she is amazing. I was new here and she befriended me no questions asked. But you, you were only my friends after my brother, Rob , told you to like me. There is a great big world out there and it won't matter if you were the most popular girl, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it."
- Josie Geller, Never Been Kissed

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amzing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."
-- Josie Geller, Never Been Kissed

"Don't worry so much. Even if I'm made to forget who you are and what you mean to me, once I see you, I'll just fall in love with you all over again."
-- 50 First Dates

"We sometimes think that when the person we love leaves us, we could go on with our lives. But then we realize that he/she is the other half of our life and that's why we can't move on because the other half is missing."
-- Guess Who

"You know what its like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man, but at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness even if its never gonna be with you."
-- Hitch

"Always remember life is not the amount of breaths you take. It’s the moments that take your breath away."
-- Hitch

"Now, now, Syd. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative."
-- Billy Loomis, Scream

"Life is like a movie. Only you can't pick your genre."
-- Billy Loomis, Scream

"I do not fear them I pity them. You know why? Some people will never know beyond what they can see with their own eye."
-- Nightcrawler, X-Men II

"Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically...

...being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about."
-- Matthew, The Girl Next Door

"It is always surprising how small a part of life is taken up by meaningful moments."
-- Anna and the King

"There is fate, but it only takes you so far because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen."
--  Can’t Hardly Wait  

"As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much has happened that we just can't."
--  Now and Then 

"Things happen in life you can't stop. But it wasn't a reason to shut out the world."
-- Crazy Pete, Now and Then

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
--  Ferris Bueler’s Day Off  

"What we do in this life echoes in eternity." 
-- Gladiator  

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
-- Sam's Dad, A Cinderella Story

Sam: "Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing."
Austin: "I'm sorry I waited for the rain."
-- A Cinderella Story

"You're still in my heart. When it rains, the rain covers, it hides. The times we spent together pass. You go on without remembering me. Time passes without a word from you. Even when forever comes, you still don't know me."
-- Madeline

Michael: "Why me?"
Mia: "Because you saw me when I was invisible."
-- The Princess Diaries

"You can't stop some people. They come into your life destined to leave it. You can wrap your arms tight around them but the best that you can hope to do is to just slow them down a little because there's no holding on tight enough."
-- Blanch, Try 17

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."
-- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter

"It's not good to dwell on dreams and forget how to live."
-- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter

"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting."
-- Tinkerbell

"I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine. Things you can't even see. There are things that hunt you in the night. Then something screams. Then you hear them eating, and you hope to God that you're not dessert. Afraid? You don't even know what afraid is."
-- Alan, Jumanji

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?"
-- Morpheus, The Matrix

"I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you."
-- Neo, The Matrix

"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human."
--  The Matrix 

"Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them"
-- Ivy Walker, The Village

"Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve what you want."
-- Patrick Verona, 10 Things I Hate About You

"Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter."
-- Cameron James, 10 Things I Hate About You

"Can a heart still break after it's stopped beating?"
-- Barkis Bittern, The Corpse Bride

THE DARK KNIGHT, quotes from The Joker

"I use a knife because guns are too quick. Otherwise, you can't savor all the emotions. You know who people are in their last moments."

"I took Gotham's white knight, and lowered him to our level. It wasn't hard. Y'see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little...push."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."

"You just couldn't let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won't kill you, because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever."

ONE TREE HILL
"If I said I love you, would you hold it against me?"
-- Peyton Sawyer

"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."
-- Peyton Sawyer

"Sometimes, people write what they can't say."
-- Haley James Scott