"Simpleng Balahuraan" was ages ago.

i bleed gray now. Emo kid ampota? Hinde. I just realized that I have better things to do than write about than the imperfections of other people. I might as well blog my own. ahahaha. Isa pa, high school and college are sooooo over. At hindi na bagay sakin ang mga ganung pagsusulat.

For more... bashing other people is much more fun when done verbally, don't you think? Joke lang. What I'm trying to say is... all-out okray publishing is over. I just needed to change the layout. WEH.

And oh, DO NOT copy anything from this blog--images, codes, and text alike. You may link back to the page/s that you found interesting, but DO NOT post the text on your site or email message. Ang pwede nyo lang kopyahin ay yung online quizzes, memes, at iba pang articles kung saan indicated namang hindi ko gawa yun. And don't forget to acknowledge the authors of those articles as well. Thank you.

UPDATES:
NOV 8th: Tarot
OCT 11th: WEH.
AUG 6th: Friends, weekends, and whatever.
JUN 12th: Quotes from TV and Movies
JUN 3rd: An Episode of Paint it Black

My friend had his cards laid out to him this afternoon. Nag-aaya pa nga ng mga kasama, or itext na lang daw namin sa kanya yung mga gusto naming ipatanong. Sabi ko sa kanya noon pa man, ayoko sumama. At ayokong magpatanong ng kahit ano about me. Kasi wala lang, feeling ko hindi tama. At ayokong pangunahan ang aking fate. And should I get accurate responses, that would just be downright freaky.

And it was.

Pagdating pa lang ni Jer, ang bungad sa kanya ay "Your job has something to do with flying, right? But you don't actually fly." Kinilabutan ako ng bongga nung kinwento nya yan. The rest, kumabog nang husto ang puso ko kasi ang freaky lang. Dahil itong si tarotero, kapag may involved na tao sa hula niya, dinedescribe pa. Height, complexion, etc. As Jer put it, they were even like, finishing each other's sentences.

Ayoko ng ganun. Parang invasion of privacy. Pero of course, you willingly subject yourself to that. With consent naman ang pagpapahula eh. Kaya nga ayokong magbigay ng consent. Coz I want things to go my way, how I want them to be. Oo, nasa akin naman yun kung magpapaapekto ako sa hula. Pero isipin nyo, pag may alam ka nang ganyang impormasyon, it would still affect you diba? You'd see things differently. Although that could help to straighten up anything that might have been derailed. Pero ayoko lang pangunahan.

And what if, yung kaibigan mong nagpahula ay nagtanong ng something about you? Something that not even you would like to acknowledge or know about? Yon. Yun ang invasion of privacy. Pero I'm not saying that Jerome did. And even if he did, keri lang. Siya naman yun. (Wag lang niya ikekwento dapat to other people other than me. haha.) Pero what if it were someone else? Yarog.

So there. Ang point ko lang, eh ayokong magpahula. Dahil ganito pala ka-freaky. Too much knowledge could kill. Especially if the're wrong.

How would we know, diba?

Sometimes I wish my life were a movie so I can compose my own screenplay and have things how I want them. I wish I were in my own movie which I can rewind, overwrite, and reshoot. My own movie in which I can choose the cast I want to deal with.

Because I'm one selfish bitch. Too selfish that sometimes, I deliberately disregard the blessings that come my way. One selfish bitch who tends to dwell on the inconveniences that turn of events bring her.

One selfish bitch who knows that she shouldn't be. And that's what I need to learn to take control of. Discard the bad vibes, in with the good.

And I come to that same conclusion everytime I reflect. Yet every single time, I lose the drive to move on. Then I go back and dwell on the things I've been comfortable with; condemning whatever brought me inconvenience.

So yeah, some selfish bitch I am.

I've been trying to write about our weekend with RO, but I just can't seem to find the words. Or maybe because I can't remember much, because more than half of the time, I was too wasted to function.

Friday. We had dinner at The Old Spaghetti House in Libis. Catching up ang drama. After ng dinner, hindi namin malaman kung saan pupunta. Comedy bar? Antipolo? Somewhere South? We ended up drinking at Grilla. I got too wasted and ended up being practically dragged up our hotel room. I should have gone with the comedy bar option. Eto yung cheap na wasted moment. Yung nagbasag ka lang. And I seriously couldn't remember anything concrete after the last picture taken of us na maayos ako. I lost 1 hour of my life. And it felt real bad. Meda pa nila ako. I felt bad at nahiya ako sa kanila. I ended up crying myself to sleep. And yeah, I find it ok to tell the story now. After all, nobody knew where those tears came from, not even I. Natatawanan ko na lang yung eksena namin nina Aika and Lea sa hotel na tinatry pa nila akong i-comfort habang nag-a-Angelica Panganiban ako. I never opened my eyes. Never acknowledged anything. Now, that was a scene. hahaha.

Saturday. Pseudo-Project 151. KR and GM mixed again at Carla's place. This was what Kriska, Grace, Jay, and I have long been waiting for. It didn't go exactly as we planned, pero masaya kami that night. Kasi yun yung parang yung dati. Kulang, pero enjoy. And mind you, Rozz even flew in from HKG to spend the weekend with BB Robee. Even if Kriska had to pull off a Cinderella, and even if we missed her in the "after-party," I must say that that weekend rocked. We checked in after hanging out at Carla's place. We still had bottles of vodka and whiskey with us, and a can of pineapple juice to mix them with. Eh wala naman kaming can opener. We ended up downing Raspberri in pure. Tubig at ice lang ang chaser. Jay's fantasy of habulang gahasa and habulang tulungan didn't happen; instead, we found ourselves singing our lungs out -- documented in 30 minutes' worth of video.

I had this entry drafted two weeks ago. Haven't gotten the drive to finish it until now. Two weeks earlier, despite loaded thoughts about that weekend, I still couldn't put the feeling into words. I tried recounting what we did so I can email Yvette and make her feel the fun we had, but it didn't work, and I still haven't come up with a decent readable entry.

I watched our videoke videos attentively. SOBRANG nakakahiya; major social suicide. Kahit nakapikit lang ako most of the time habang kumakanta. Pero doon ko narealize na talagang nag-enjoy ako nung weekend na yun. (hahaha makasarili, hindi ko naman weekend yon!) Narealize ko how much I missed Yvette, Kathleen, and Robee. How much I enjoyed 2008 with them. How much I still enjoy being with them, despite the long time we've been apart. Kasi kahit sabihin nating wala ako masyadong maalala habang kinakanta namin (Rozz, Jer, Jay) ang mga yun, habang pinapanood ko yung videos namin, nafifeel ko kung gaano ko kamahal tong mga taong to. Hindi lang ang aking videoke buddies that night, pero silang lahat. Every single person. Kaya siguro kami emosyonal din masyado.

Ako ba namang maiyak sa intro pa lang ng Stop (Spice Girls), diba? Kasi yan ang favorite videoke song namin last year. And when we hear that song, mega-flashback ang memories.

Can I just share that we have 6 sets of videos?! With consent namang kinuhanan yan. But we were too wasted to be conscious of what we were doing while singing.

Set 1:
It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Ironic - Alanis Morissette
Black or White - Michael Jackson
Bitch - Meredith Brooks

Set 2:
Dancing in September - Earth, Wind, & Fire
So Slow - Freestyle
Sway - Bic Runga
Stop - Spice Girls

Set 3:
Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Don't Speak - No Doubt

Vid 4: Dreamlover - Mariah Carey

Vid 5: For You I Will - Monica

Set 6: Graduation Series
Count on Me - Whitney Houston
jer: "friendship!"
rozz: "kaya umuwi ako ng HKG eh!"
gdwn: (tuloy tuloy lang sa pag-iyak)
jay: (intro next song) "Eto naman, pang-college!"

Thanks To You - Tyler Collins


Odiba. Ang ipinangako kong kwento ng weekend namin eh naging reflection paper. EQ booster, pota.


Ang bilis kasi. After we've found out that Robee was on leave, the next thing we knew, nasa MNL na siya at binisita kami sa office. And we just got together during the weekend. Bitin. Pero ang sarap nung feeling na magkakasama kami ulit. Parang tulad lang talaga nung dati. Narealize ko na lang ulit na Robee was not supposed to stay nung tapos na yung weekend.

And that was my closing paragraph, drafted two weeks ago. Walang kwenta, bitin din.

And here I am now, wallowing in melancholy brought about by the weather. Two weeks later, I finally found the drive to write again. Ewan ko ba kung bakit hirap na hirap akong tapusin to. Ang panget kasi ng simula kaya hindi ko madugtungan. Pero gusto ko kasi siyang i-share.

Anyway, so this is two weeks later. Two weeks later and I get to laugh at the videoke videos already. More than the social suicide that it is, like Lea said, it's not about the number of people you're with but who you are with. And I love these people. And while typing this down, I realize that I'm still dwelling on 2008. Back when everything else was simpler. Back when all of us were here and just celebrating good times.

Back when Kriska and I never reached our EQ limit. Back when we Playmates didn't need drinking sessions to get by. Back when I could easily put down my thoughts into writing. Back when I didn't need to censor anything out.

We're halfway into 2009 and we can't help it but feel miserable at times. Ako nga gusto ko na lang matapos tong taong to eh. Kaya lang iniisip ko, what would change when 2010 kicks in? Of course things would change. Pero not necessarily for my convenience, diba? Kaya we try to keep ourselves busy as much as possible. We find things to look forward to. And these little things do work. Napapangiti naman nila kami. Nadidistract naman kami. But as soon as good times end, we seem to go back to our monotonous lives.

But that's just one way of looking at it. Not the ideal one, though.

Found these while backing up files. At may nalalaman pala talaga akong pagcocompile ng ganito?! haha!

"Before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. I don't think it would be snowing now if he weren't still up there. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it"
-- Kim Boggs, Edward Scissorhands

"I have been beating my brains in trying to impress you people. Listen Gibby, Kirstin, Krysten, you will spend your whole lives trying to keep others down because it makes you feel more important, but why her? Let me tell you about this girl she is amazing. I was new here and she befriended me no questions asked. But you, you were only my friends after my brother, Rob , told you to like me. There is a great big world out there and it won't matter if you were the most popular girl, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it."
- Josie Geller, Never Been Kissed

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amzing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."
-- Josie Geller, Never Been Kissed

"Don't worry so much. Even if I'm made to forget who you are and what you mean to me, once I see you, I'll just fall in love with you all over again."
-- 50 First Dates

"We sometimes think that when the person we love leaves us, we could go on with our lives. But then we realize that he/she is the other half of our life and that's why we can't move on because the other half is missing."
-- Guess Who

"You know what its like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man, but at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness even if its never gonna be with you."
-- Hitch

"Always remember life is not the amount of breaths you take. It’s the moments that take your breath away."
-- Hitch

"Now, now, Syd. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative."
-- Billy Loomis, Scream

"Life is like a movie. Only you can't pick your genre."
-- Billy Loomis, Scream

"I do not fear them I pity them. You know why? Some people will never know beyond what they can see with their own eye."
-- Nightcrawler, X-Men II

"Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically...

...being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about."
-- Matthew, The Girl Next Door

"It is always surprising how small a part of life is taken up by meaningful moments."
-- Anna and the King

"There is fate, but it only takes you so far because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen."
--  Can’t Hardly Wait  

"As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much has happened that we just can't."
--  Now and Then 

"Things happen in life you can't stop. But it wasn't a reason to shut out the world."
-- Crazy Pete, Now and Then

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
--  Ferris Bueler’s Day Off  

"What we do in this life echoes in eternity." 
-- Gladiator  

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
-- Sam's Dad, A Cinderella Story

Sam: "Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing."
Austin: "I'm sorry I waited for the rain."
-- A Cinderella Story

"You're still in my heart. When it rains, the rain covers, it hides. The times we spent together pass. You go on without remembering me. Time passes without a word from you. Even when forever comes, you still don't know me."
-- Madeline

Michael: "Why me?"
Mia: "Because you saw me when I was invisible."
-- The Princess Diaries

"You can't stop some people. They come into your life destined to leave it. You can wrap your arms tight around them but the best that you can hope to do is to just slow them down a little because there's no holding on tight enough."
-- Blanch, Try 17

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."
-- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter

"It's not good to dwell on dreams and forget how to live."
-- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter

"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting."
-- Tinkerbell

"I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine. Things you can't even see. There are things that hunt you in the night. Then something screams. Then you hear them eating, and you hope to God that you're not dessert. Afraid? You don't even know what afraid is."
-- Alan, Jumanji

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?"
-- Morpheus, The Matrix

"I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you."
-- Neo, The Matrix

"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human."
--  The Matrix 

"Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them"
-- Ivy Walker, The Village

"Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve what you want."
-- Patrick Verona, 10 Things I Hate About You

"Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter."
-- Cameron James, 10 Things I Hate About You

"Can a heart still break after it's stopped beating?"
-- Barkis Bittern, The Corpse Bride

THE DARK KNIGHT, quotes from The Joker

"I use a knife because guns are too quick. Otherwise, you can't savor all the emotions. You know who people are in their last moments."

"I took Gotham's white knight, and lowered him to our level. It wasn't hard. Y'see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little...push."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."

"You just couldn't let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won't kill you, because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever."

ONE TREE HILL
"If I said I love you, would you hold it against me?"
-- Peyton Sawyer

"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."
-- Peyton Sawyer

"Sometimes, people write what they can't say."
-- Haley James Scott